Encouraged

Maybe 4 weeks ago there was this fat as man at the gym on a bike cycling hard out.  Being two bikes along from me I was able to see that his RPM was 115.  Fuck.  Instant respect.  I’d been puffing along somewhere around 85 RPM up until I saw this man.  I got my game on!  Today, I got to 97 RPM and held it for 3 minutes.  I was on Level 6 – which is like level of difficulty.  I do not know how many levels there are. I do know, that I’d not gone above Level 4 (L4) until last week – and then I pushed it to L5 and then today I thought “wtf – go for it” and pushed the button to L6.

A skill I learned due to prolonged childhood abuse, is to manage my breath when either in pain, or distress.  So when I kicked in L6 and pedalled for 3 minutes at 97 RPM, my breathing amped up too.  I drop my shoulders, slightly bow my head, close my eyes and go deep within myself and I listen and feel oxygen travel up into my nose and back out through my mouth.  And I listen to that over and over again – until I am in a rhythm and I can feel beads of sweat building – and I open my eyes and I tell myself fucking awesome stuff – and to keep going – and I close my eyes again and lower my head and I keep pedalling.  And then this magical thing happens – I feel sweat beads too heavy to stay on my face anymore, come away from my face – and I open my eyes in time to witness the first bead of sweat drip down past my eyes and then another and another and I smile so hugely deep down inside.

And then I get to 15 mins on the bike at any given session and it’s time to wind down.  Today I began my wind down from L6.  I dropped to L5 & around 90 RPM for 2 mins then to L3 & 85 RPM for 1 min lowering my RPM gradually until I get to 80 and then I drop to L2 for the last minute really slowing myself down to about 65 RPM.  I tell ya – I feel like a freaking machine when I get off that bike.

115 RPM – look out baby, I’m determined.

I’m in awe of myself every time – even when I’m struggling – cos those bike seats aren’t exactly made for fat bottomed girls.  And only a fat bottomed girl will know what I’m sayin.

True story.

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