1st smallfeather

I choose a theme for the year and then loosely map out some of the ideas I would like to achieve surrounding the theme.  2016’s theme was “self actualisation” – and wowza did I achieve much in the way of actualising myself.  This years theme is “Focus”.  Two of the dreams that I have for myself is to write a series of bilingual kids books (i te reo Pākehā me Māori) as well as to narrow down what it is I wish to actually write about for my own book – my own series of lifes stories.

Both dreams are on my Self Actualisation list.  Both dreams are extremely achievable.  Both dreams seem almost daunting – so daunting, that I’ve struggled to believe that I can actually pull it off.  With this years theme being Focus, I’m going to nail myself to a process that by years end will see me having a way more better sense of inner confidence to achieve these dreams.  I may even have the series of kids books written awaiting publishing.  Narrowing each book down into what the content will be – is what I struggle with.  Soooooo many ideas!  SoooooOOooooo little focus!

I am mentioning all this because in terms of my healthier food options journey (no longer calling it weight loss journey), last years theme as well as this years are equally as important to apply.  A dream I have surrounding this process is to be around 85-90 kg.  That’s another 72 kg on top of what I’ve already lost, to go.  1 kg at a time.  With this years Focus theme, I am going to pay more attention to attending the gym x2 a week.  I would love to attend x3 week however with the amount of outdoor work I do, that leaves no time for me to rest physically.

Food options are also currently being scrutinised.  I am moving away from having Chicken in my diet.  Eventually I will give it up completely.  Kai Whakaorakai is assisting me in understanding nutrition on a level that I can best integrate on my most basic levels of comprehension.  And while food options aren’t really a struggle for me in terms of healthy option vs unhealthy option, food quantity is.  Food portion / portion control …. laughable how I’ve even managed to loose the amount of weight I have.


My focus has changed.  I’m no longer focusing on losing weight.  I’m focusing on allowing myself to be free in my mind, body and soul.  Enjoying my body physically – especially when I see the results of 2.5 weeks of outdoor garden projects I’ve achieved myself, gives me the freedom to feel good about myself as a fat as person.

I shared with Kai Whakaorakai that I hadn’t realised that others peoples perceptions of me as a fat as person (and woman) had been sinking in again almost isolating me and my ability to achieve what I know I am able to do.  As I shared with great delight the work I’d recently completed here at home around the back of my place, I could see the look of sheer surprise sweeping across the face of Kai Whakaorakai.  My body and my mind are such a formidable machine.

Here’s what I want people to know about this fat as person (me):

  1. Yeah – I’m fat as, not fucking useless
  2. I’m extremely capable of physical work
  3. I am extremely strong
  4. I am extremely determined to achieve outdoor projects
  5. I enjoy myself when I am working physically
  6. Gym Bunny – not my look.  Active Bunny – yes.
  7. I’m fat as, and I can dance.
  8. I’m fat as and I can wear shorts.