I struggle to eat food in the mornings. Kaiwhakaora Kai, a while back suggested that I buy Up’n’Go and have one of those each morning. Another suggestion was that I alternate Up’n’Go with a Hot Chocolate for breakfast, and I was very happy to do that. My first Up’n’Go was a Chocolate Ice one. OMG – it was divine! And I sipped on it oh.so.slowly so I could pull out the various tastes one by one and self determine what it was that I actually liked about the breakfast drink.
Because Up’n’Go was a new thing to me – and a product I’d never buy ordinarily, I took my sweet time sipping away on the single serving carton. I came to realise part way through that mornings breakfast ceremony, that I was pretty much retraining myself how to eat properly. That may seem weird or even confusing to some reading. Imagine Cookie Monster from Sesame Street for a few seconds … you know how he devours Cookies right? Well, now imagine me eating anything and everything exactly.like.that. Not pretty right? So when I say “eating properly”, I mean slowing right down – like Cookie Monster in slow motion – and way less messy.
Fast forward a year and I’m mostly doing Hot Chocolates now. The price of Up’n’Go caused me to make executive decisions and eating well is not cost effective on extremely limited income. I have however, begun branching out into the world of breakfast cereals. My first stop has been Porridge. Well, Porridge wasn’t the go. So I bought Milk Oaties. I struggled there as well, even with Raisins plonked on top I struggled to get through half a mug of the stuff. I gave up and maintained the Hot Chocolate.
I spoke with Kaiwhakaora Kai during the week about the Porridge thing and she served up a heap of suggestions such as yoghurt – in particular Lite Greek Natural yoghurt. She wondered if I could get that down my gob with less stress seeing the yoghurt would change the texture of the Porridge immediately. Kaiwhakaora Kai gave me a Yoghurt Maker about a year ago as well when she was taking a box of stuff to an Op Shop. So I went to the Supermarket afterwards and bought a sachet of the Lite Greek and 2 more sachets of other fruit flavoured mixes.
At home I already had an opened litre of Yoplait Pineapple and Coconut Yoghurt that I was struggling to get through – mostly because I do not like Pineapple or Coconut (I know – wtf was I thinking?). So the very next morning I made a single serving of Porridge, dropped in around 6 Raisins and about half a cup of the Yoplait yoghurt. I carefully stirred it in and tasted it hoping for the very best …
I gotta tell ya – it was delicious. No. Not just delicious. Freaking delicious. So delicious in fact that I have been unable to make another bowl of it in case I no longer like it. I would feel like I’ve successfully completed another “fail” on the morning food front if that were to happen.
Psychologically, food is a sensitive issue that is combined rather compactly with the myriad of other sensitive issues that complete me. The best news is, I’m doing okay – even when life gets me down and even when big things happen that screw me over, and even when I feel so happy that it would be so easy to sneakily eat something falsely believing that I could get away with it – like, it would be okay etc … It’s not okay. IF you’ve never relapsed either with food or any other chemical substance, you’re not qualified to tell me any differently.
Sooooo – I’m gonna have to write myself a post about relapse prevention surrounding my food behaviours etc that will serve to help me remember the reality of coming back from a relapse is actually like. AND while I’m reminding myself of such things, I’d be a great idea to write a post about what the people around me were like when I gave up other chemical addictions – and how many of those people attempted to pull me down – and, what it was like when I did relapse. And how scared I was being so unsure whether I wanted to get back on the recovery bus at all. Food has the exact same pull for me that any drug I’ve ever used did. It’s my last bastion.