I weighed in on Tuesday and I now sit at 163.9 kg. Guess what the means folks … I have lost a total of 40.1 kg. Yes thanks … accolades appreciated! I do feel pretty good about that. I didn’t think it was ever going to happen. The next magic number will be when I reach a weight of 159 kg. Although I feel neat at my achievement thus far, weight loss this year has been extremely s.l.o.w and I have wanted to give up many, many times.
There is an end in sight some days, to my consistent internal barrage of fears about being a thinner person. Sometimes I feel I would be better off being hugely obese. I have near 47 years of being used to people staring at me due to my great fatness. I have had very little exposure to being thin. And in the times where I have lost a tremendous amount of weight, I’ve piled it back on, plus some, due to being unable to manage people ie men, staring at me for possible different reasons that when I was fat as.
I have absolutely no guarantee that things will be any different for me this time around. What I do know, is this is really my.last.opportunity to lose this amount of weight. How do I know? The same way that some alcoholics / addicts who have relapsed more than a few times know that they don’t have another relapse available to them – the consequence will be death. That’s where I’m at now too. I know this is my last shot.
I sent an email to Kaiwhakaora Kai with questions and points I need to discuss with her when I next see her.