I’ve linked to U-kinetics in a previous post. Today I had the 2 hour assessment and I loved every moment of it. Two women will be working alongside me for the entire 12 week programme and I learned that I can redo the programme if they think it would be beneficial for me. I booked in for 11am on Weds for my first session with my specialised programme! I am so thrilled.
There are some things that I wish to share with you – to help expel perhaps, some of the misguided opinions, views and beliefs that many people have about super obese people like me. I also want to share this stuff with you dear reader in the hope that if you’re around my size, plagued with a bouquet of various diagnosis ranging from A -> Z that you will take a leaf outta my journal and challenge the ideas that people have given you, about you and your size and what you can and can not do.
Sadly in this day and age, one must protect their arse from any possible fall out through having made the statement above. I want you to know that it is NEVER okay to undergo an exercise regime of any nature without checking it out via ya doctor first. I mean c’mon, think about it people or at least talk it through with someone trusted before you begin busting out your warrior princess moves.
So the things I wanted to share with you are these: I am very fit. I know. Astounding isn’t it. That was the voice of my U-kinetics person this afternoon after various testings. I gotta say that I was shocked to hear this. And that is when the penny dropped. I came to realise that I had (again) taken on many foolish peoples beliefs that because I am so fat that it equates to being unfit and that my weight equates to being unhealthy and sitting on my fat arse all day all night doing nothing. I came to realise that I have a very ugly part of me that goes “fuck you” to anyone who wants to tell me, or who believes that I am unable to do something due to my size and in terms of exercise. I say this part of me is ‘ugly’ because I am unafraid to go for other peoples jugulars these days when they want to tell me something that is so stupid – particularly if said person is a psychiatrist or GP or whoever else … And I asserted myself and boundaries with the two wonderful women who assessed me today.
Also I want to share that all the assessments I underwent told them and they also showed and explained how it all worked to me, that I fell into the “average” range in everything. One of the women with me today told me that it is very unusual for someone who was as ill as I was and being the weight that I am also, to be able to ride the exercise bike for as long as I did on the grade that I did. I proudly told her that I also exceeded the mathematical expectations at Pulmonary Rehab earlier this year.
My body loves to exercise. That’s the bottom line, and the medical evidence that my body produced today showed that. My BP lowered through exercise and returned within normal range very quickly as did my heart rhythm. I had just 1 heart palpitation throughout the assessment which my trainer said was very good (I was hooked up to a portable ECG monitor) and my oxygen saturation levels were around 97%.
The hardest thing in all this is going to be having the extra petrol to get there and home x3 a week. Right now, I’m playing the denial card. I can not allow myself to spend more than a few short seconds thinking about how I’m gonna get there. I have struggled in fear mostly surrounding calling MSD asking whether they would be willing to help fund me on Disability Allowance. MSD are trained professionals in emotional terrorism if you ask me and when it comes to them, I do not have courage to even call and enquire.
To bring this entry to a close, I am absolutely thrilled with my first trip to U-kinetics today. I feel so inspired. The darkness in that fuck awful tunnel of misery, lightened up today.